Posts tagged Personality
Look, I’m trying to be understanding… I just didn’t realize that sleeping
until three in the afternoon BECAUSE you’re depressed could send you INTO a
shame spiral. Okay fine, you can lay in bed listening to Jeff Buckley for
ten more minutes, but then we’re going to miss the movie. You say missing
the movie is just your sad lot in life? Fine, why don’t we just hang out
here? I’ll make soup or something. What? You don’t deserve soup? Fine.
I’ll just eat my hand.
A Guest Dealbreaker written by Eva Anderson.
Please calm down. PLEASE! Okay, at some point I’m going to ask you to replace that picture frame. Not now, but eventually. Now, let me apologize for the fourth time, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that you had a weird thing with a guy who sounded like an old southern gentleman. I was just doing a funny voice. I was trying to make you laugh - STOP SCREAMING! PLEASE! Do you want a ride to Rite Aid? I DON’T KNOW, maybe because you finished both of your prescriptions and haven’t refilled them in a week. You told me that. NO, I haven’t been snooping around in your purse. You’ve been telling me you need new meds for the last week. I am not lying. Stop crying. Now stop laughing. Stop screaming. Stop dancing? Stop it. Get up. Get off the table. Don’t, DO NOT pee in my kitchen. What did I just- yikes. I’ll clean this up. If only I could fix your brain with a mop, I would.
"Oh, so like, you think freckles are cute. That’s cool"
"No. I have an actual fetish."
"Well, what does that mean?"
"I don’t want to talk about it right now."
(Jokingly) “Haha, so is this like an Oedipal Complex thing? Does your mom have freckles? Ha”
"Well she does have freckles…but I mean…"
"Oh my god. I have to go."
Don’t ever call me again.
A Guest Dealbreaker written by the delightful Jennie Pierson.
Bruce Springsteen isn’t your godfather, you’re not part Cherokee, you didn’t invent LOLcats, you were not raised in Paris, you’ve never been on Donald Trump’s yacht, rap-battled with Eminem, or hooked up with Dawson’s-Creek-era Katie Holmes. Fuck it, maybe you did invent LOLcats. I still won’t have sex with you.
"Baaaaaaabe i’m so sorry i missed dinner! i totally spaced! I was LITERALLY out the door, but then my roommate came home and she was freaking out because this guy, Chris, the one she likes from her job, he shows up to her art opening with a DATE! What a dick, riiiiiight? So, she and I cracked some wine and just had a freaking GABFEST and then I went into this total Pino coma until about 5 minutes ago. Did you already eat? You already ate, didn’t you?"
This is our first reblog, and it seemed too perfect to ignore.
Dear guy I blocked on facebook and AIM:
You are fucking crazy and what part of “blocked” don’t you understand??? I think I made it obvious enough. And yet you still managed to text me about 10 minutes ago and asked if I have a valentine this year. YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND. And thanks for giving me a panic attack and turning me into a dating/relationship phobe.
Your restraining order awaits,
This isn’t working. I’m sorry, but I’ve tried everything. Please, don’t make this any harder than it has to be. Just take your stuff and go. Take your polka dot underwear, your cupcake tins, your Joanna Newsom vinyl, your Hello Kitty lunchbox, your sketchbook, your black leggings, your melodica, your many plaid shirts, your Polaroid camera, your enormous sunglasses, and your cat ears headband. NO wait, leave that.
I CAN HAS BREAKUP? LOLZ!
"Hey… sorry I have been weird lately. I’m just going through a lot of shit right now. I just feel like… I don’t know… like I’m in a black hole. Are black holes vaccuums? Thats what I feel like I’m in. Like, what is the point of everything? We live these fucked up, meaningless lives where all we do is disappoint everyone. UGH IT’S JUST SO FUCKED UP. Sorry to keep venting to you like this. It’s just, everything sucks. I swear to God, you are the only ray of sunshine in my otherwise fucked up shit pile gutter sewer of a life. Anyways, text me tonight, I’ll be sketching in the park. Thank you for saving me."