You Tell Your Life Story in a Facebook Status
We met at a bar a few weeks ago, and I immediately thought you’d be a fresh addition in my life. It wasn’t until I added you on Facebook that I knew how hopeless and pathetic you are. Every time you update your status, you feel the need to let everyone in the world know everything you did all day in a giant, 420-character long run-on sentence. I don’t care that you “stood in line at arby’s but it was too long and you were going to be late for work so you had to get in the car and go and your boss yelled at you and when you got to work you realized you left everything at home so then you went home to get it and decided to just stay home and then you watched Gladiator all day.” See?!?! Isn’t it ANNOYING? If a Facebook Status was supposed to be an update you the essay you wrote in 2nd grade called “What I Did Today,” the question inside the box would be “What did you do today?” So next time you call, I will politely explain why I can’t be with you anymore because it just isn’t working out. But if I go on Facebook to find a paragraph about us breaking up, I am officially putting you on my shit list.
-Written By Kiwi