You Use Dating As Therapy
So, when you asked me out, I was pretty excited because you’re super cute, really nice and I don’t have to explain the meaning of every word I use that’s over three syllables. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until we were mid-dinner that I apparently opened Pandora’s box upon asking about your childhood. I’m sure it was difficult being the youngest of several children, and yes, I too grew up oppressed by the religious beliefs of my uber Catholic parents, but most people have the sense not to bring dark shit like that up on the first date. What’s that? You think your first sexual encounter might actually qualify as rape? Jesus H. Cheeseburgers, who let you out of the sanitarium? I feel like I should be charging you $175 an hour and writing affirmations for you to say. Did you seriously just ask me why I’m being weird? I’m being “weird” because even though I’m also a card-carrying member of generation TMI, you’ve managed to make me feel uncomfortable by sharing every single issue you’re currently working through. Are you crying? Ugh, wow, okay, this is awkward. I just thought I was opening the lines of communication, not a can of worms. I’m done with dinner, and I’m definitely done with you.
-Written by Marcos