GUESTBREAKER: You’re Me From Last Night

Listen, Me From Last Night, I don’t think this is going to work. Mainly because you’re Me and it’s impossible to date oneself (Sorry, John Mayer). But even if I wanted to date myself, seeing and experiencing Me From Last Night would have cured me of that desire. Because, let’s get right to it:

You sat in your underwear for almost three hours watching episodes of The West Wing when you were supposed to be writing, Me From Last Night. You also forgot to get groceries, so for dinner you had Doritos (and not even the Cool Ranch kind), two glasses of wine, and an old candy cane. Simultaneously, you were also “doing laundry”, but the very prospect of taking the clothes out of the dryer to fold them sounded so boring to you, that you just left them in there overnight where anyone in your apartment building could have stolen them.

Also, at one point, you got on your back, tucked your feet under the coffee table, and did forty sit-ups as part of a quick decision to “start getting in shape”. Then, when you were done, you had a genuine moment where you thought, “Did it work? Do I have abs now?”, as you looked down at yourself. You looked to see if you had six-pack abs from doing forty push-ups, Me From Last Night. And you did not. So you ate another candy cane.

Dealbreaker.

BUT…don’t be too offended, Me From Last Night. You DID do a pretty awesome full-out vocal to “Wig In A Box” from Hedwig And The Angry Inch while going to the bathroom and that was sort of fun to watch in the mirror.

Sincerely,
Me From The Next Morning

A Guest Dealbreaker written by Chris Kelly.