GUESTBREAKER: You Use The :-P Emoticon In Every Text/Email/Facebook Post You Send Me
Look, you’re a great co-worker, and we had some nice talks at work. So I didn’t think much of it when you added me on facebook, or asked for my number. I figured we could hang out sometime. But I’ve started to notice something: you end every sentence with the tongue-sticking-out emoticon. Seriously. You don’t even use any other emoticons, just that one particular emoticon. Do you even know what it means? It means that you are sticking your tongue out at me in a humourous or derisive manner; it suggests playfulness and hilarity. And I would get that, if it made any god damn sense in context. But your messages are mundane and regular! “Hey wanna get some lunch :-P”? What the fuck is that? What would you end a serious question with a tongue-sticking-out face? “I read that book you recommended :-P”, “I’m having a party :-P you should stop by!” What are you, 12? Look, if you were talking to me in real life, would you be sticking out your tongue while saying these things? No, you would not. But I can see that I’ll have to tell you this in a facebook message, because I can no longer see your face without imagining you spontaneously sticking out your tongue at me, and that’s just not gonna fly.
A Guest Dealbreaker by Rhianna.
