You Ate All My Cookie-Dough Ice Cream
Well, hi, it’s nice to meet you too, friend-of-a-friend! What? Yeah, this is cookie-dough ice cream I’m ea—oh, what, you want some? Okay, I guess. You’re just going to go get your own spoon? Alright, being sanitary is cool and all. Oh, my God, is that a ladle? Whatever, I don’t judge people based on spoon-size preferences, so it’s fine. Wait, what are you doing? Taking my pint out of my hand? Bold move, bro. Well, I was kind of eating that, but we just met, so I don’t want to be rude. I’ll just pretend to be busy with my phone for a second, and then I’ll take it back—wait, what the fuck? How are you done ALREADY? God damn it, now I have to go buy more. I hope you choke on all the delicious Haagen-Daz you stole, you bastard.
-Written by thewildhearts