DUELBREAKER: You Left Your Rapier In The Carriage House
Sir, you have gone too far! I had hereto considered your failure to compliment m’lady’s new bustle as the veritable height of impudence, but you have climbed quite past it now! Lo, what dizzying heights of impropriety we now find ourselves at the precipice of! I am made to be lightheaded by the vista!
When I challenged you to a duel, I expected you to bring three things- a duly appointed second to carry on in the eventuality of your death, an array of sweetly-scented poultices with which to anoint your corpse, and above all else, a well-honed rapier! Now I am struck nigh unto speechless by your temerity. In what world could one poultice be considered an array? And where are your second’s dueling britches? Dear Lord- are… are those grousing togs? GROUSING TOGS!
But such follies pale when held against your own conspicuous deficiency. How do you propose I duel you without a weapon? Fisticuffs? Am I to batter you about the face and neck, getting your blood and teeth all over my new silken cravat? I think not. Are we to just stand here bandying words until one of us succumbs to syphilis? That could take a fortnight! I am sorely tempted to slay you where you stand, but that would just be murder and by writ I would owe your son a favored cloven animal.
I demand satisfaction! M’lady has a new bustle!
Points off for confusing a Duelbreaker for a Dealbreaker, but bonus points for everything else!
