You’re “That Girl” At the Bar
Pleasure to meet you, Miss “Is My Pussy Showing?” However, after your bar-top gyrations, body shot administering, and a haphazard rendition of “I Love Rock and Roll,” introductions feel superfluous. Why, you’ve been the center of attention all night! With an entire bar full of patrons as witness to your debauchery, a handshake feels far too formal. Yes, too formal in the way that wearing a bra was “too formal” for this particular occasion, so you took it off under your tank top. It’s for this reason I feel as if it would be unjust to keep you all too myself. A delicate flower such as yourself is meant to be free, blowing in the evening breeze to enchant the evenings of every presence she graces. Or, at least whatever sloppy, drunken presence is left over once last call is announced. May your voyages be safe, may your wisdom enlighten all you encounter, and may you always make it home with your underwear in your purse.