You Find Me Revolting And Don’t Want To Go Out With Me
We “met” on the cosplay forums. You were a gothic Lolita, while I liked to dress as Lieutenant Commander Data, were he to have gone under cover in Middle Earth. For our first date I wanted something splendid, yet whimsical. Randall at the comic book store understood my dilemma - he whispered to me that members of a local high school brass band were putting on a concert of classic video game scores at the public library. Perfect.
As we set out upon our evening of revelry, I was secretly worried you’d judge me for being 115 pounds overweight, but I don’t think you even noticed, what with the cape and all. You looked sumptuous, like a chop of the finest mutton, and things were going well until, mid-way through the love theme from Marvel vs. Capcom, the kid playing bassoon suffered a concert-ending groin injury. It seems his school bully had finally figured out the location of the show. The date ended abruptly after that, because you had an early morning the next day, but I understood – I like to get 14 hours of sleep as well, at least when I’m not leading my guild on epic raids though the mystical land of Azeroth.
But now you tell me you’re too busy to rendezvous again, that your hair-washing schedule precludes all evening excursions. Methinks the lady doth protest too much! When pressed, you say you find me revolting and don’t want to go out with me. Well sorry, m’lady, but that’s not winning you any points over here at Starfleet Command. I’ve got standards, you know, and I’m just not sure if I even want to be with someone who finds me revolting. Not wanting to go out with me is also a minus. Your score card isn’t looking that good anymore! So I’m sorry, sweetheart, but complete and utter rejection just happens to be one of my dealbreakers.
— by wireless G of PEOPLE WHO
