You Pooped The Bed

You’re really sweet. You’re always giving me amazing things. We had an amazing night for our five month anniversary. What’s that? You pooped in the bed while we were asleep? I’m sorry, but for a Ph.D. student, you definitely aren’t very smart. Potty training was something that most of us completed successfully by the time we were two. How is that advanced degree working out for you? That’s nice that you feel comfortable around me and all, but if it only takes four beers to turn on the dutch oven and leave a fresh baked pie behind, then this clearly isn’t going to work. Thanks for offering to buy me new sheets too… oh wait you didn’t, and you think pooping the bed is normal and I’m just overreacting. Yeah, you can kick rock now, because dookie between the sheets, is a dealbreaker.

-Written by Drew