You’re the Republican Congress

At first, I thought we could overlook our differences—you, with your oil money and rugged individualism, and me with my tree-hugging tendencies and social programs. The thought of bipartisanship secretly turned me on and hey, you always offered to pay for dinner.

Then came the day that the Republicans took Congress. I was as gracious as any liberal could be in such a situation, but you still insisted on drunkenly making fun of Obamacare and totally disregarded all the positive facets of the Communist Manifesto. I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt—everyone’s kind of a sore winner anyway.

But then you voted against Planned Parenthood. And I decided that I could no longer have pre-marital intercourse with you if you wouldn’t let me go on birth control. I believe they call that domestic violence. VIVE LA REVOLUCION!

Written by dowdyinsweatshirts