GUESTBREAKER: You Share Custody of your Dog with your Ex-Girlfriend
We had gone on a few dates and things were going quite well. When I agreed to come over for dinner, knowing full well that we’d probably be naked by the time you were done cooking as nothing turns me on more than a guy who knows his way around the kitchen, I was super excited about finally meeting that dog you keep talking about. But he didn’t greet me at the door. Nor did he come running out of the bedroom when I whistled for him. When I asked where he was, you nonchalantly explained that your ex girlfriend, with whom you bought the dog with all those years back, had “custody” of him that week.
Hold up. You guys split up six months ago. I’m all for dudes remaining friendly with their exes, but you know this is a dog right? not a kid? You know that nothing says “I can’t let go and I’m totally not over her and I’ll probably call you by her name on accident during sex and you’ll never live up to her memory” than you sharing custody of a dog with her, right? There are a ton of needy dogs at the local animal shelter that don’t come with the baggage of the memory of a girl who dumped you, just waiting to have your full attention. Until then, your penis will have no visitation rights with my vagina.
A Guest Dealbreaker written by the lovely Georgia Hardstark.
