About

These are dealbreakers and they are capable of ruining everything.

We are Dave and Marisa and we are cringing as we type this. blog your own dealbreakers or send to: dealbreakerblog@gmail.com
Update: We're on Twitter! @Dealbreakerblog

PAST ENTRIES

You Are Bella From Twilight

You Have A Small Penis

Your Misuse Of Quotation Marks

You've Been In a Sarah Palin Video On Youtube

Your Gross Feet

You Don't Eat

You Don't Like To Watch Degrassi

You Refer To Yourself In The Third Person

You Share Custody Of Your Dog With Your Ex

Your Daddy Issues

Your Wallet Chain

Thanksgiving Plans!

You're "Bad At Relationships"

You're Not A Delicious Pizza

You Have Swine Flu

Your Blatant Sexual Harassment

DEALMAKER: You Brought Cupcakes To Work

You're A Gutter Punk

You're Walmart

You Hate My City (LA)

You're a Tyrannical Music Snob

You Have The Same Name As My Dad

You Dumped Me

DEALMAKER: You're British

You're Married... With Kids

You (Unironically) Call Things Gay

You Don't Have A Condom

You're a Philosophy Major

Rebuttal: Your Slutty Halloween Costume Is Fine With Me...

Your Slutty Halloween Costume

You Watch The Hills

Dave And Marisa: Snarky Blogmonsters

You Don't Know We're Dating

Your Use Of Emoticons

You Grabbed My Penis On The L Train

Your Meaningful Lyrics

You're An American Apparel Model

You're Lady Gaga

You Watch Fox News

You Say Things Like “I’m Just One Of Those People That Likes To Get Up Early And Go For A Run”

You Won't Kiss Me After Oral

You Chew Gum In Your Sleep

Your Relationship With Your Mom

You're a Furry

Your Devil Sticks

Your Love of Cocaine

You're Boring

You Sell Weed

You Have a Tail

You're Not Patrick Swayze

You Have Shitty Taste In Music

You "Can't Go For That"

DEALMAKER: You Are Barack Obama

Your Use Of "That's What She Said"

You Would Do Anything For Love, But You Won't Do That

You're The Cat Lady

You Own A Yacht

You Add "(Sp?)" After Misspelled Words

Your Joke T-Shirts

You're Against Universal Health Care

You're Not Really a Puppy Person

You're Probably a Lesbian

DEALMAKER: I Like You So Much I'll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers

You're Stretching Your Ears

You’re The Singer For Republica And It’s Been 12 Years Since “Ready To Go”

You Are Guy Fieri

Your Half Ponytail

You Aren’t a Real Person, Just a Coat on a Coat-rack in the Dark

You Can't Hang

You Only Drink Malternative Beverages

You Wear Shorts To Important Events

You Don't Like Prince

You Gave Me a Fake Name

You Love The Plain White T's

Your Cucumber Melon Body Spray

You Won't Take Out Your Bluetooth

You Read Dealbreaker

Your Frosted Tips

You Hate Unicorns

DEALMAKER: That Ass

Your Racist Jokes

Article: That Super Quirky Girl From That Movie

You Call Target "Tarjay"

You Don't "Get" Radiohead

You Block Out Other People In Your Facebook Photos

You're A Hippie

DEALMAKER: You Have a Beard

We Work Together

Your Sorry Excuse For A Mustache

You're Cheap

Dealbreaker Jr. : You Like The WORST Pokemon

Your Disdain For Religion

You Love Strip Clubs

DEALMAKER: You're Jeff Goldblum

You Chew Tobacco

Your Infatuation With Children's Literature

You're Shorter Than Me

Your Speech Patterns

Your Out of Control Sarcasm

You're a Meter Maid

Your Dead Celebrity Jokes

You Have Fangs

You Haven't Read a Book Since High School

You Convey Your Feelings Through Lengthy Poetic Emails

You Try To Pick Me Up In Your Car At The Stop Light

There's Too Much Stuff In Your Shower

DEALMAKER: You're So Fucking Talented

You ONLY Watch The Colbert Report

You Won't Stop Talking About Your Ex

You Don't Like The Beatles

You're Always Late

We Already Dated

Your Creepy Roommate

You Kiss WIth Your Eyes Open

You Voted For American Idol But Not In The Presidential Election

Your Movie Picks Are Disturbing

Your Buffy Obsession

You Won't Talk To Me In Public

You Talk Through Movies

Your Facebook Page

DEALMAKER: You Laugh At My Jokes

You Broke My Toilet

You Dated My Best Friend

You're A Metrosexual

You're Pleased About The Prop 8 Decision

You're Devastated Over American Idol

You Love Designer Frozen Yogurt

You're Not Excited To See Up

Your Tears

You Make Me Want To Listen To Tori Amos

Your Excessive Body Hair

You Live To Work

You're Not Mark Ruffalo

Your Awful Taste In Television

You Say "Vagine"

You Apologize Too Much

You're Too Hot

You're Sketchy

Your Dirty Bathroom

Your Softcore Porn Career

You Talk Like The Internet

Your Wedge Shoes

Your White Dreads

DEALMAKER: You Volunteer To Give Me Back Massages

Your Soul Patch

You Have an Inner Lip Tattoo

Your Twitter

You're A Vegetarian, But You Don't Eat Vegetables

You're A "Vampire"

If You See A Guitar, You Have To Play It... But Can't

Your Sugar Daddy

DEALMAKER: You Make Me Delicious Pancakes

Your Botox Injections

You Listen To Dashboard Confessional

You Have Bad Taste In Denim

Your Checkered Past

You Drive a Hummer

You Don't Remember My Name

You Treat 4/20 As A Holiday

You Want To Know "What We Are"

(Rebuttal) You Can't Answer Simple Questions, Such As "What Are We?"

(Rebuttal) Okay, So You Tell Me "What We Are"

You Keep Trying To Feed Me

You Won't Leave Me Alone

You're Depressed

Your Looney Tunes Jacket

You Keep Saying, "Oh My God, You Hate Me!"

Your Face Gives Me Too Much Information About What Your Dad Looks Like

You're Crazy

You're Saving Yourself For Marriage

You Look Nothing Like Your Picture

You Don't Like Me

You Prefer Mac And Me To E.T

Your Scrapbook

Your "Picture Face"

You Keep Trying To Do Anal

You're "Poly amorous"

You're Crushing On Zac Efron

You Like Me

You Don't Like The Banana Derby

You've Got Baggage

You're A Bad Kisser

You Have More Than One Kid

Your Grammar

You're Not Into That Sex Thing I'm Into

You're A Scientologist

You Don't Like The McDonald's Filet O Fish Jingle

You Don't Believe In Evolution

You Relate Everything Back To Sex

You're An Idiot

You Don't Drink

You Love "I Love College"

You Talk About Pooping

You're A Deadbeat

You're A Jackrabbit In Bed

You Sit On The Same Side Of The Booth

You're Not Brian Dennehey

Your Joke Tattoo

You Said "LOL"

You're Not Funny

You Have A DUI

Your Exclamation Point Abuse

You Live With Your Parents

Your Dirty Fingernails

Your Clumsy Threesome Propositions

You're Really Into "The Secret"

You're Diablo Cody

You Have Too Many Eyes

You're A Doormat

Your Black Leather Couch

Your Ironic Mustache

You're A Magician

You're Really Close With Your Dog

You're Public Displays Of Affection

Your Freckle Fetish

You're Cheating On Me

You Don't Own A TV

You're A Cougar

You Like Nickelback

Your Screensaver

You're A Suicide Girl

You're A "Joke Rapist"

Your Comic Sans

You're A Dentist

You Bought Tickets To Burning Man... Again

You're Drunk (Right Now)

You Don't Like Pizza

You're a "Witchy Woman"

Your Animal Rights Activism

You're Purposefully Ignorant

You're A Liar

You "Just Got Out Of A Thing"

Your High Horse

You're Uncircumcised

Your Facebook Pokes

You're "Worldly"

Your Negligent Waste Removal

Your Precious Childhood Toy

Your Bellybutton Ring

Your Knuckle Tattoos

Your Netflix Queue

Your Post Date Texting

Your Dated Impressions

Your Crocs

Your Disney Princess Fetish

Your Dreamcatcher

Your Anti-Valentine's Day Party

Your Low Tolerance

You Might Be A Murderer

Your Dumb Hat

You Bought A Zune

You're Joaquin Phoenix

You're A Flake

You're Scary

Your Cologne

You're Too Cute

Your Speakers

Your Non-Prescription Glasses

Your Delusions of Grandeur

You're SO Random

You're A Bad Drunk

Your Marilyn Monroe Piercing

Your Makeup

Your Clever Facial Hair

Your Velcro Sandals

Your Baby Talk

Your AOL Account

You Don't Like Sushi

You're Sad

Your Ed Hardy Clothes

Your Band

Following

111 notes October 29, 2009 2 50 PM

GUEST(FRIENDSHIP)BREAKER: You Watch The Hills Or Any Related Spinoff

Oh yeah I know, I love this show too. Can’t wait till Joel McHale chimes in with all the zingers. Wait a tic, this clip has gone on far too long. Is this MTV?? Wait what? What do you mean you can really relate with Lauren Conrad? What the fuck are you talking about you hate Heidi for choosing Spencer over her friendship with Lauren?! And how in the HELL do you know all of their names by heart? You wish you looked more like Audrina? Is that the one with fake tits? Oh excuse me, I wasn’t previously aware they all have fake tits, allow me to be more specific—-the one with the fake tits and dead eyes? Wait——-why won’t the channel change? OH MY FUCKING GOD IS THIS A DVD?!?! Give me that friendship braclet back!

A Guest Dealbreaker Written By Jena Nixon.

1. lady-amalthea reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

   most reality shows. Anything with anyone stupid and famous...no reason or talent at all....

2. theniwasashley reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

   my top five fav dealbreakers

3. bleus liked this
4. schwartzy reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

   @thedirtycanuck —

5. deirdreannb liked this
6. alwaysphilthy liked this
7. donthasslemeimlocal liked this
8. phofascinating reblogged this from piecesofserenity and added:

   ditto. plus i love how the two on the right are whoring it up for the camera.

9. flxfelicis reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

   LMFAOOOO BRB DYING!

10. recklessyouth liked this
11. steppingstones reblogged this from dealbreaker
12. caviarforelephants liked this
13. sydneysilvera liked this
14. andhurl liked this
15. imnotyogi liked this
16. rebeccalando liked this
17. kyrisof66 liked this
18. kadehydrated liked this
19. dayofthedreamweavers liked this
20. roseytoes reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    This is glorious.

21. monikachaos reblogged this from dealbreaker
22. glasspassenger liked this
23. forminvoltron liked this
24. mysecretlifeasamaid reblogged this from neverforgets and added:

    I can’t stand it (now) BUT I still watch it with Babyastronauts and dis it. Teenage girls forever? Guess so.

25. thisismewriting reblogged this from dealbreaker
26. longdali82 reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    so many close friends… who are guilty...this dealbreaker..

27. jmadeline liked this
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31. rogerrr liked this
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34. drawing-cowboys liked this
35. thatissogay reblogged this from dealbreaker
36. coldbeerandcigarettes reblogged this from baravettski
37. akajena reblogged this from windowless and added:

    HAHA, YES! My Hills Dealbreaker submission! On a scale of 1-10, how pathetic is it that I got the biggest thrill of my...

38. jamhastumblr liked this
39. hathaway liked this
40. julyshewillfly liked this
41. le-beau liked this
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43. ladymiseria liked this
44. extremelygruntled liked this
45. parentingonmyown liked this
46. neutralbomb liked this
47. themailman liked this
48. zoobunny reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    “Never go full retard.”

49. cbrookstyle reblogged this from dealbreaker
50. piecesofserenity reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    joel mchale shoutout.

51. ahazygirl liked this
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54. minilaarni reblogged this from graceinsmallthings
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57. mindymae reblogged this from graceinsmallthings and added:

    So without totally giving away my ”fandom” of this show (who are we kidding I revealed my love of this show long ago) I...

58. misadventuresmaryland reblogged this from dealbreaker
59. graceinsmallthings reblogged this from ladyofleisuredc and added:

    I love how it says “The Roots” right on top of Stephanie’s (is that even her on the right? hard to tell) terrible dye...

60. idefygravity liked this
61. stef-lee reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    Hills is an automatic self-inflicted cock block. i try not...judge ppl based on tv taste...

62. morelikeafeeling liked this
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64. dextrose liked this
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70. unicornzzzzz liked this
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72. iamdirtfarmer reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    i’m sorry, dealbreaker, but you’re wrong

73. lindsaykatai liked this
74. carryyourheart reblogged this from dealbreaker
75. fartreplacementproject liked this
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84. snaggleraggle reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    of The Hills characters.

85. windowless reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    greatest. However,...an awful lot about The Hills. Closet fan? It’s okay,

86. ckburch liked this
87. vrelevant reblogged this from dealbreaker
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95. ivannathan reblogged this from baravettski
96. crabcakes liked this
97. comosehomo reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    eyes”. Hahahahaha, fucking classic. …gah, I’m glad I’m not...only one who feels this way.

98. baravettski reblogged this from dealbreaker
99. nataliealice reblogged this from dealbreaker
100. beforeisleep liked this
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102. maeby reblogged this from dealbreaker
103. neverforgets reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     I’m putting Prettiestgirl, Chainletter2, Babyastronauts,...Mysecretlifeasamaid on SHOUT.

104. fraternalfilms liked this
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114. dealbreaker posted this