The Dealbreaker Index
We now present to you EVERY Dealbreaker so far, in chronological order. Enjoy?
You’re a Tyrannical Music Snob
You Have The Same Name As My Dad
You (Unironically) Call Things Gay
Rebuttal: Your Slutty Halloween Costume Is Fine With Me
Marisa & Dave: Snarky Blogmonsters
You Grabbed My Penis On The L Train
You’re An American Apparel Model
You Say Things Like “I’m Just One Of Those People That Likes To Get Up Early And Go For A Run”
Your Relationship With Your Mom
You Have Shitty Taste In Music
DEALMAKER: You Are Barack Obama
Your Use Of “That’s What She Said”
You Would Do Anything For Love, But You Won’t Do That
You Add “(Sp?)” After Misspelled Words
You’re Against Universal Health Care
You’re Not Really a Puppy Person
DEALMAKER: I Like You So Much I’ll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers
You’re The Singer For Republica And It’s Been 12 Years Since “Ready To Go”
You Aren’t a Real Person, Just a Coat on a Coat-rack in the Dark
You Only Drink Malternative Beverages
You Wear Shorts To Important Events
Your Cucumber Melon Body Spray
You Won’t Take Out Your Bluetooth
Article: That Super Quirky Girl From That Movie
You Block Out Other People In Your Facebook Photos
Your Sorry Excuse For A Mustache
Dealbreaker Jr. : You Like The WORST Pokemon
DEALMAKER: You’re Jeff Goldblum
Your Infatuation With Children’s Literature
You Haven’t Read a Book Since High School
You Convey Your Feelings Through Lengthy Poetic Emails
You Try To Pick Me Up In Your Car At The Stop Light
There’s Too Much Stuff In Your Shower
DEALMAKER: You’re So Fucking Talented
You ONLY Watch The Colbert Report
You Won’t Stop Talking About Your Ex
You Voted For American Idol But Not In The Presidential Election
Your Movie Picks Are Disturbing
You Won’t Talk To Me In Public
DEALMAKER: You Laugh At My Jokes
You’re Pleased About The Prop 8 Decision
You’re Devastated Over American Idol
You Love Designer Frozen Yogurt
You Make Me Want To Listen To Tori Amos
Your Awful Taste In Television
DEALMAKER: You Volunteer To Give Me Back Massages
You’re A Vegetarian, But You Don’t Eat Vegetables
If You See A Guitar, You Have To Play It… But Can’t
DEALMAKER: You Make Me Delicious Pancakes
You Listen To Dashboard Confessional
You Want To Know “What We Are”
(Rebuttal) You Can’t Answer Simple Questions, Such As “What Are We?”
(Rebuttal) Okay, So You Tell Me “What We Are”
You Keep Saying, “Oh My God, You Hate Me!”
Your Face Gives Me Too Much Information About What Your Dad Looks Like
You’re Saving Yourself For Marriage
You Look Nothing Like Your Picture
You Don’t Like The Banana Derby
You’re Not Into That Sex Thing I’m Into
You Don’t Like The McDonald’s Filet O Fish Jingle
You Don’t Believe In Evolution
You Relate Everything Back To Sex
You Sit On The Same Side Of The Booth
Your Clumsy Threesome Propositions
You’re Really Into “The Secret”
You’re Really Close With Your Dog
You’re Public Displays Of Affection
You Bought Tickets To Burning Man… Again
