The Dealbreaker Index
We now present to you EVERY Dealbreaker so far, in chronological order. Enjoy?
You Hate My City (LA)
You’re a Tyrannical Music Snob
You Have The Same Name As My Dad
You Dumped Me
DEALMAKER: You’re British
You’re Married With Kids
You (Unironically) Call Things Gay
You Don’t Have A Condom
You’re A Philosophy Major
Rebuttal: Your Slutty Halloween Costume Is Fine With Me
Your Slutty Halloween Costume
You Watch The Hills
Marisa & Dave: Snarky Blogmonsters
You Don’t Know We’re Dating
Your Use Of Emoticons
You Grabbed My Penis On The L Train
Your Meaningful Lyrics
You’re An American Apparel Model
You’re Lady Gaga
You Watch Fox News
You Say Things Like “I’m Just One Of Those People That Likes To Get Up Early And Go For A Run”
You Won’t Kiss Me After Oral
You Chew Gum In Your Sleep
Your Relationship With Your Mom
You’re a Furry
Your Devil Sticks
Your Love of Cocaine
You’re Boring
You Sell Weed
You Have a Tail
You’re Not Patrick Swayze
You Have Shitty Taste In Music
You “Can’t Go For That”
DEALMAKER: You Are Barack Obama
Your Use Of “That’s What She Said”
You Would Do Anything For Love, But You Won’t Do That
You’re The Cat Lady
You Own A Yacht
You Add “(Sp?)” After Misspelled Words
Your Joke T-Shirts
You’re Against Universal Health Care
You’re Not Really a Puppy Person
You’re Probably a Lesbian
DEALMAKER: I Like You So Much I’ll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers
You’re Stretching Your Ears
You’re The Singer For Republica And It’s Been 12 Years Since “Ready To Go”
You Are Guy Fieri
Your Half Ponytail
You Aren’t a Real Person, Just a Coat on a Coat-rack in the Dark
You Can’t Hang
You Only Drink Malternative Beverages
You Wear Shorts To Important Events
You Don’t Like Prince
You Gave Me a Fake Name
You Love The Plain White T’s
Your Cucumber Melon Body Spray
You Won’t Take Out Your Bluetooth
You Read Dealbreaker
Your Frosted Tips
You Hate Unicorns
DEALMAKER: That Ass
Your Racist Jokes
Article: That Super Quirky Girl From That Movie
You Call Target “Tarjay”
You Don’t “Get” Radiohead
You Block Out Other People In Your Facebook Photos
You’re A Hippie
DEALMAKER: You Have a Beard
We Work Together
Your Sorry Excuse For A Mustache
You’re Cheap
Dealbreaker Jr. : You Like The WORST Pokemon
Your Disdain For Religion
You Love Strip Clubs
DEALMAKER: You’re Jeff Goldblum
You Chew Tobacco
Your Infatuation With Children’s Literature
You’re Shorter Than Me
Your Speech Patterns
Your Out of Control Sarcasm
You’re a Meter Maid
Your Dead Celebrity Jokes
You Have Fangs
You Haven’t Read a Book Since High School
You Convey Your Feelings Through Lengthy Poetic Emails
You Try To Pick Me Up In Your Car At The Stop Light
There’s Too Much Stuff In Your Shower
DEALMAKER: You’re So Fucking Talented
You ONLY Watch The Colbert Report
You Won’t Stop Talking About Your Ex
You Don’t Like The Beatles
You’re Always Late
We Already Dated
Your Creepy Roommate
You Kiss WIth Your Eyes Open
You Voted For American Idol But Not In The Presidential Election
Your Movie Picks Are Disturbing
Your Buffy Obsession
You Won’t Talk To Me In Public
You Talk Through Movies
Your Facebook Page
DEALMAKER: You Laugh At My Jokes
You Broke My Toilet
You Dated My Best Friend
You’re A Metrosexual
You’re Pleased About The Prop 8 Decision
You’re Devastated Over American Idol
You Love Designer Frozen Yogurt
You’re Not Excited To See Up
Your Tears
You Make Me Want To Listen To Tori Amos
Your Excessive Body Hair
You Live To Work
You’re Not Mark Ruffalo
Your Awful Taste In Television
You Say “Vagine”
You Apologize Too Much
You’re Too Hot
You’re Sketchy
Your Dirty Bathroom
Your Softcore Porn Career
You Talk Like The Internet
Your Wedge Shoes
Your White Dreads
DEALMAKER: You Volunteer To Give Me Back Massages
Your Soul Patch
You Have an Inner Lip Tattoo
Your Twitter
You’re A Vegetarian, But You Don’t Eat Vegetables
You’re A “Vampire”
If You See A Guitar, You Have To Play It… But Can’t
Your Sugar Daddy
DEALMAKER: You Make Me Delicious Pancakes
Your Botox Injections
You Listen To Dashboard Confessional
You Have Bad Taste In Denim
Your Checkered Past
You Drive a Hummer
You Don’t Remember My Name
You Treat 4/20 As A Holiday
You Want To Know “What We Are”
(Rebuttal) You Can’t Answer Simple Questions, Such As “What Are We?”
(Rebuttal) Okay, So You Tell Me “What We Are”
You Keep Trying To Feed Me
You Won’t Leave Me Alone
You’re Depressed
Your Looney Tunes Jacket
You Keep Saying, “Oh My God, You Hate Me!”
Your Face Gives Me Too Much Information About What Your Dad Looks Like
You’re Crazy
You’re Saving Yourself For Marriage
You Look Nothing Like Your Picture
You Don’t Like Me
You Prefer Mac And Me To E.T
Your Scrapbook
Your “Picture Face”
You Keep Trying To Do Anal
You’re “Poly amorous”
You’re Crushing On Zac Efron
You Like Me
You Don’t Like The Banana Derby
You’ve Got Baggage 
You’re A Bad Kisser
You Have More Than One Kid
Your Grammar
You’re Not Into That Sex Thing I’m Into
You’re A Scientologist
You Don’t Like The McDonald’s Filet O Fish Jingle
You Don’t Believe In Evolution
You Relate Everything Back To Sex
You’re An Idiot
You Don’t Drink
You Love “I Love College”
You Talk About Pooping
You’re A Deadbeat
You’re A Jackrabbit In Bed
You Sit On The Same Side Of The Booth
You’re Not Brian Dennehey
Your Joke Tattoo
You Said “LOL”
You’re Not Funny
You Have A DUI
Your Exclamation Point Abuse
You Live With Your Parents
Your Dirty Fingernails
Your Clumsy Threesome Propositions
You’re Really Into “The Secret”
You’re Diablo Cody
You Have Too Many Eyes
You’re A Doormat
Your Black Leather Couch
Your Ironic Mustache
You’re A Magician
You’re Really Close With Your Dog
You’re Public Displays Of Affection
Your Freckle Fetish
You’re Cheating On Me
You Don’t Own A TV
You’re A Cougar
You Like Nickelback
Your Screensaver
You’re A Suicide Girl
You’re A “Joke Rapist”
Your Comic Sans
You’re A Dentist
You Bought Tickets To Burning Man… Again
You’re Drunk (Right Now)
You Don’t Like Pizza
You’re a “Witchy Woman”
Your Animal Rights Activism
You’re Purposefully Ignorant
You’re A Liar
You “Just Got Out Of A Thing”
Your High Horse
You’re Uncircumcised
Your Facebook Pokes
You’re “Worldly”
Your Negligent Waste Removal
Your Precious Childhood Toy
Your Bellybutton Ring
Your Knuckle Tattoos
Your Netflix Queue
Your Post Date Texting
Your Dated Impressions
Your Crocs
Your Disney Princess Fetish
Your Dreamcatcher
Your Anti-Valentine’s Day Party
Your Low Tolerance
You Might Be A Murderer
Your Dumb Hat
You Bought A Zune
You’re Joaquin Phoenix
You’re A Flake
You’re Scary
Your Cologne
You’re Too Cute
Your Speakers
Your Non-Prescription Glasses
Your Delusions of Grandeur
You’re SO Random
You’re A Bad Drunk
Your Marilyn Monroe Piercing
Your Makeup
Your Clever Facial Hair
Your Velcro Sandals
Your Baby Talk
Your AOL Account
You Don’t Like Sushi
You’re Sad
Your Ed Hardy Clothes
Your Band

The Dealbreaker Index

We now present to you EVERY Dealbreaker so far, in chronological order. Enjoy?

You Hate My City (LA)

You’re a Tyrannical Music Snob

You Have The Same Name As My Dad

You Dumped Me

DEALMAKER: You’re British

You’re Married With Kids

You (Unironically) Call Things Gay

You Don’t Have A Condom

You’re A Philosophy Major

Rebuttal: Your Slutty Halloween Costume Is Fine With Me

Your Slutty Halloween Costume

You Watch The Hills

Marisa & Dave: Snarky Blogmonsters

You Don’t Know We’re Dating

Your Use Of Emoticons

You Grabbed My Penis On The L Train

Your Meaningful Lyrics

You’re An American Apparel Model

You’re Lady Gaga

You Watch Fox News

You Say Things Like “I’m Just One Of Those People That Likes To Get Up Early And Go For A Run”

You Won’t Kiss Me After Oral

You Chew Gum In Your Sleep

Your Relationship With Your Mom

You’re a Furry

Your Devil Sticks

Your Love of Cocaine

You’re Boring

You Sell Weed

You Have a Tail

You’re Not Patrick Swayze

You Have Shitty Taste In Music

You “Can’t Go For That”

DEALMAKER: You Are Barack Obama

Your Use Of “That’s What She Said”

You Would Do Anything For Love, But You Won’t Do That

You’re The Cat Lady

You Own A Yacht

You Add “(Sp?)” After Misspelled Words

Your Joke T-Shirts

You’re Against Universal Health Care

You’re Not Really a Puppy Person

You’re Probably a Lesbian

DEALMAKER: I Like You So Much I’ll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers

You’re Stretching Your Ears

You’re The Singer For Republica And It’s Been 12 Years Since “Ready To Go”

You Are Guy Fieri

Your Half Ponytail

You Aren’t a Real Person, Just a Coat on a Coat-rack in the Dark

You Can’t Hang

You Only Drink Malternative Beverages

You Wear Shorts To Important Events

You Don’t Like Prince

You Gave Me a Fake Name

You Love The Plain White T’s

Your Cucumber Melon Body Spray

You Won’t Take Out Your Bluetooth

You Read Dealbreaker

Your Frosted Tips

You Hate Unicorns

DEALMAKER: That Ass

Your Racist Jokes

Article: That Super Quirky Girl From That Movie

You Call Target “Tarjay”

You Don’t “Get” Radiohead

You Block Out Other People In Your Facebook Photos

You’re A Hippie

DEALMAKER: You Have a Beard

We Work Together

Your Sorry Excuse For A Mustache

You’re Cheap

Dealbreaker Jr. : You Like The WORST Pokemon

Your Disdain For Religion

You Love Strip Clubs

DEALMAKER: You’re Jeff Goldblum

You Chew Tobacco

Your Infatuation With Children’s Literature

You’re Shorter Than Me

Your Speech Patterns

Your Out of Control Sarcasm

You’re a Meter Maid

Your Dead Celebrity Jokes

You Have Fangs

You Haven’t Read a Book Since High School

You Convey Your Feelings Through Lengthy Poetic Emails

You Try To Pick Me Up In Your Car At The Stop Light

There’s Too Much Stuff In Your Shower

DEALMAKER: You’re So Fucking Talented

You ONLY Watch The Colbert Report

You Won’t Stop Talking About Your Ex

You Don’t Like The Beatles

You’re Always Late

We Already Dated

Your Creepy Roommate

You Kiss WIth Your Eyes Open

You Voted For American Idol But Not In The Presidential Election

Your Movie Picks Are Disturbing

Your Buffy Obsession

You Won’t Talk To Me In Public

You Talk Through Movies

Your Facebook Page

DEALMAKER: You Laugh At My Jokes

You Broke My Toilet

You Dated My Best Friend

You’re A Metrosexual

You’re Pleased About The Prop 8 Decision

You’re Devastated Over American Idol

You Love Designer Frozen Yogurt

You’re Not Excited To See Up

Your Tears

You Make Me Want To Listen To Tori Amos

Your Excessive Body Hair

You Live To Work

You’re Not Mark Ruffalo

Your Awful Taste In Television

You Say “Vagine”

You Apologize Too Much

You’re Too Hot

You’re Sketchy

Your Dirty Bathroom

Your Softcore Porn Career

You Talk Like The Internet

Your Wedge Shoes

Your White Dreads

DEALMAKER: You Volunteer To Give Me Back Massages

Your Soul Patch

You Have an Inner Lip Tattoo

Your Twitter

You’re A Vegetarian, But You Don’t Eat Vegetables

You’re A “Vampire”

If You See A Guitar, You Have To Play It… But Can’t

Your Sugar Daddy

DEALMAKER: You Make Me Delicious Pancakes

Your Botox Injections

You Listen To Dashboard Confessional

You Have Bad Taste In Denim

Your Checkered Past

You Drive a Hummer

You Don’t Remember My Name

You Treat 4/20 As A Holiday

You Want To Know “What We Are”

(Rebuttal) You Can’t Answer Simple Questions, Such As “What Are We?”

(Rebuttal) Okay, So You Tell Me “What We Are”

You Keep Trying To Feed Me

You Won’t Leave Me Alone

You’re Depressed

Your Looney Tunes Jacket

You Keep Saying, “Oh My God, You Hate Me!”

Your Face Gives Me Too Much Information About What Your Dad Looks Like

You’re Crazy

You’re Saving Yourself For Marriage

You Look Nothing Like Your Picture

You Don’t Like Me

You Prefer Mac And Me To E.T

Your Scrapbook

Your “Picture Face”

You Keep Trying To Do Anal

You’re “Poly amorous”

You’re Crushing On Zac Efron

You Like Me

You Don’t Like The Banana Derby

You’ve Got Baggage

You’re A Bad Kisser

You Have More Than One Kid

Your Grammar

You’re Not Into That Sex Thing I’m Into

You’re A Scientologist

You Don’t Like The McDonald’s Filet O Fish Jingle

You Don’t Believe In Evolution

You Relate Everything Back To Sex

You’re An Idiot

You Don’t Drink

You Love “I Love College”

You Talk About Pooping

You’re A Deadbeat

You’re A Jackrabbit In Bed

You Sit On The Same Side Of The Booth

You’re Not Brian Dennehey

Your Joke Tattoo

You Said “LOL”

You’re Not Funny

You Have A DUI

Your Exclamation Point Abuse

You Live With Your Parents

Your Dirty Fingernails

Your Clumsy Threesome Propositions

You’re Really Into “The Secret”

You’re Diablo Cody

You Have Too Many Eyes

You’re A Doormat

Your Black Leather Couch

Your Ironic Mustache

You’re A Magician

You’re Really Close With Your Dog

You’re Public Displays Of Affection

Your Freckle Fetish

You’re Cheating On Me

You Don’t Own A TV

You’re A Cougar

You Like Nickelback

Your Screensaver

You’re A Suicide Girl

You’re A “Joke Rapist”

Your Comic Sans

You’re A Dentist

You Bought Tickets To Burning Man… Again

You’re Drunk (Right Now)

You Don’t Like Pizza

You’re a “Witchy Woman”

Your Animal Rights Activism

You’re Purposefully Ignorant

You’re A Liar

You “Just Got Out Of A Thing”

Your High Horse

You’re Uncircumcised

Your Facebook Pokes

You’re “Worldly”

Your Negligent Waste Removal

Your Precious Childhood Toy

Your Bellybutton Ring

Your Knuckle Tattoos

Your Netflix Queue

Your Post Date Texting

Your Dated Impressions

Your Crocs

Your Disney Princess Fetish

Your Dreamcatcher

Your Anti-Valentine’s Day Party

Your Low Tolerance

You Might Be A Murderer

Your Dumb Hat

You Bought A Zune

You’re Joaquin Phoenix

You’re A Flake

You’re Scary

Your Cologne

You’re Too Cute

Your Speakers

Your Non-Prescription Glasses

Your Delusions of Grandeur

You’re SO Random

You’re A Bad Drunk

Your Marilyn Monroe Piercing

Your Makeup

Your Clever Facial Hair

Your Velcro Sandals

Your Baby Talk

Your AOL Account

You Don’t Like Sushi

You’re Sad

Your Ed Hardy Clothes

Your Band

  1. wibblywobblystaceywacey reblogged this from dealbreaker
  2. artisticjgil reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:
    deal breakers in one place. Life = made.
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    (via euphie-freddie, dealbreaker)
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    Done and done. Congratulations, guys!
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