GUESTBREAKER: You Watch Fox News
I thought you were pretty cool at first. You seemed pretty blunt, grounded and just an all around nice person. I did notice that you were a little off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
You dropped out of journalism because you couldn’t see yourself going into that line of work? That’s understandable; it’s not for everyone. What news outlets do I follow? Oh you know, the AP, Globe and Mail, Reuters, CNN, New York Times…Well, everything really. Except for FOXNews of course. What’s that? You only watch FOXNews?
At first I thought you were being ironic. In fact, I laughed in your face and commented on your wry sense of humour. I laughed even harder when you told me that you weren’t joking. How, I asked, is that even possible? You’re a fucking Canadian for chrissakes! How do you even get FOXNews? That must be an extra $10 a month on your satellite bill. Your political views are fair and balanced? You’re an independent? You believe in civil liberties and the government staying out of our lives? Oh fuck. You looked sort of uncomfortable as I browbeat you about the intense hypocrisy and factual vacuum that is FauxNews. You meekly defended yourself before I ripped apart your political beliefs in the space of a minute.
You believe that we should have a social safety net to protect those in need? Uhuh. You believe that I should be allowed to marry another man? Uhuh. You believe that the government shouldn’t be allowed to torture or invade other countries on the drop of a hat? Uhuh. You like facts? You don’t understand that these things are mutually exclusive to watching Fox.
Your friends sort of giggled as I lectured you on the festering, decomposing unintelligible cesspool that spawned racist, homophobic monsters like Glenn Beck. Now, whenever I see you, I can’t help but think that you hate black people.
A Guest Dealbreaker written by Justin.
