About

These are dealbreakers and they are capable of ruining everything.

We are Dave and Marisa and we are cringing as we type this. blog your own dealbreakers or send to: dealbreakerblog@gmail.com
Update: We're on Twitter! @Dealbreakerblog

PAST ENTRIES

You Came On My Face

You Don't Have Sheets On Your Bed

Everything About You

You Think You're a White Rapper

You're A Picky Eater

Your Ex Is "Totally Jealous Of Me"

DEALMAKER: You're A Nice Jewish Guy

Your O-Face

You're A Juggalo

You Are Bella From Twilight

You Have A Small Penis

Your Misuse Of Quotation Marks

You've Been In a Sarah Palin Video On Youtube

Your Gross Feet

You Don't Eat

You Don't Like To Watch Degrassi

You Refer To Yourself In The Third Person

You Share Custody Of Your Dog With Your Ex

Your Daddy Issues

Your Wallet Chain

Thanksgiving Plans!

You're "Bad At Relationships"

You're Not A Delicious Pizza

You Have Swine Flu

Your Blatant Sexual Harassment

DEALMAKER: You Brought Cupcakes To Work

You're A Gutter Punk

You're Walmart

You Hate My City (LA)

You're a Tyrannical Music Snob

You Have The Same Name As My Dad

You Dumped Me

DEALMAKER: You're British

You're Married... With Kids

You (Unironically) Call Things Gay

You Don't Have A Condom

You're a Philosophy Major

Rebuttal: Your Slutty Halloween Costume Is Fine With Me...

Your Slutty Halloween Costume

You Watch The Hills

Dave And Marisa: Snarky Blogmonsters

You Don't Know We're Dating

Your Use Of Emoticons

You Grabbed My Penis On The L Train

Your Meaningful Lyrics

You're An American Apparel Model

You're Lady Gaga

You Watch Fox News

You Say Things Like “I’m Just One Of Those People That Likes To Get Up Early And Go For A Run”

You Won't Kiss Me After Oral

You Chew Gum In Your Sleep

Your Relationship With Your Mom

You're a Furry

Your Devil Sticks

Your Love of Cocaine

You're Boring

You Sell Weed

You Have a Tail

You're Not Patrick Swayze

You Have Shitty Taste In Music

You "Can't Go For That"

DEALMAKER: You Are Barack Obama

Your Use Of "That's What She Said"

You Would Do Anything For Love, But You Won't Do That

You're The Cat Lady

You Own A Yacht

You Add "(Sp?)" After Misspelled Words

Your Joke T-Shirts

You're Against Universal Health Care

You're Not Really a Puppy Person

You're Probably a Lesbian

DEALMAKER: I Like You So Much I'll Put Up With Your Dealbreakers

You're Stretching Your Ears

You’re The Singer For Republica And It’s Been 12 Years Since “Ready To Go”

You Are Guy Fieri

Your Half Ponytail

You Aren’t a Real Person, Just a Coat on a Coat-rack in the Dark

You Can't Hang

You Only Drink Malternative Beverages

You Wear Shorts To Important Events

You Don't Like Prince

You Gave Me a Fake Name

You Love The Plain White T's

Your Cucumber Melon Body Spray

You Won't Take Out Your Bluetooth

You Read Dealbreaker

Your Frosted Tips

You Hate Unicorns

DEALMAKER: That Ass

Your Racist Jokes

Article: That Super Quirky Girl From That Movie

You Call Target "Tarjay"

You Don't "Get" Radiohead

You Block Out Other People In Your Facebook Photos

You're A Hippie

DEALMAKER: You Have a Beard

We Work Together

Your Sorry Excuse For A Mustache

You're Cheap

Dealbreaker Jr. : You Like The WORST Pokemon

Your Disdain For Religion

You Love Strip Clubs

DEALMAKER: You're Jeff Goldblum

You Chew Tobacco

Your Infatuation With Children's Literature

You're Shorter Than Me

Your Speech Patterns

Your Out of Control Sarcasm

You're a Meter Maid

Your Dead Celebrity Jokes

You Have Fangs

You Haven't Read a Book Since High School

You Convey Your Feelings Through Lengthy Poetic Emails

You Try To Pick Me Up In Your Car At The Stop Light

There's Too Much Stuff In Your Shower

DEALMAKER: You're So Fucking Talented

You ONLY Watch The Colbert Report

You Won't Stop Talking About Your Ex

You Don't Like The Beatles

You're Always Late

We Already Dated

Your Creepy Roommate

You Kiss WIth Your Eyes Open

You Voted For American Idol But Not In The Presidential Election

Your Movie Picks Are Disturbing

Your Buffy Obsession

You Won't Talk To Me In Public

You Talk Through Movies

Your Facebook Page

DEALMAKER: You Laugh At My Jokes

You Broke My Toilet

You Dated My Best Friend

You're A Metrosexual

You're Pleased About The Prop 8 Decision

You're Devastated Over American Idol

You Love Designer Frozen Yogurt

You're Not Excited To See Up

Your Tears

You Make Me Want To Listen To Tori Amos

Your Excessive Body Hair

You Live To Work

You're Not Mark Ruffalo

Your Awful Taste In Television

You Say "Vagine"

You Apologize Too Much

You're Too Hot

You're Sketchy

Your Dirty Bathroom

Your Softcore Porn Career

You Talk Like The Internet

Your Wedge Shoes

Your White Dreads

DEALMAKER: You Volunteer To Give Me Back Massages

Your Soul Patch

You Have an Inner Lip Tattoo

Your Twitter

You're A Vegetarian, But You Don't Eat Vegetables

You're A "Vampire"

If You See A Guitar, You Have To Play It... But Can't

Your Sugar Daddy

DEALMAKER: You Make Me Delicious Pancakes

Your Botox Injections

You Listen To Dashboard Confessional

You Have Bad Taste In Denim

Your Checkered Past

You Drive a Hummer

You Don't Remember My Name

You Treat 4/20 As A Holiday

You Want To Know "What We Are"

(Rebuttal) You Can't Answer Simple Questions, Such As "What Are We?"

(Rebuttal) Okay, So You Tell Me "What We Are"

You Keep Trying To Feed Me

You Won't Leave Me Alone

You're Depressed

Your Looney Tunes Jacket

You Keep Saying, "Oh My God, You Hate Me!"

Your Face Gives Me Too Much Information About What Your Dad Looks Like

You're Crazy

You're Saving Yourself For Marriage

You Look Nothing Like Your Picture

You Don't Like Me

You Prefer Mac And Me To E.T

Your Scrapbook

Your "Picture Face"

You Keep Trying To Do Anal

You're "Poly amorous"

You're Crushing On Zac Efron

You Like Me

You Don't Like The Banana Derby

You've Got Baggage

You're A Bad Kisser

You Have More Than One Kid

Your Grammar

You're Not Into That Sex Thing I'm Into

You're A Scientologist

You Don't Like The McDonald's Filet O Fish Jingle

You Don't Believe In Evolution

You Relate Everything Back To Sex

You're An Idiot

You Don't Drink

You Love "I Love College"

You Talk About Pooping

You're A Deadbeat

You're A Jackrabbit In Bed

You Sit On The Same Side Of The Booth

You're Not Brian Dennehey

Your Joke Tattoo

You Said "LOL"

You're Not Funny

You Have A DUI

Your Exclamation Point Abuse

You Live With Your Parents

Your Dirty Fingernails

Your Clumsy Threesome Propositions

You're Really Into "The Secret"

You're Diablo Cody

You Have Too Many Eyes

You're A Doormat

Your Black Leather Couch

Your Ironic Mustache

You're A Magician

You're Really Close With Your Dog

You're Public Displays Of Affection

Your Freckle Fetish

You're Cheating On Me

You Don't Own A TV

You're A Cougar

You Like Nickelback

Your Screensaver

You're A Suicide Girl

You're A "Joke Rapist"

Your Comic Sans

You're A Dentist

You Bought Tickets To Burning Man... Again

You're Drunk (Right Now)

You Don't Like Pizza

You're a "Witchy Woman"

Your Animal Rights Activism

You're Purposefully Ignorant

You're A Liar

You "Just Got Out Of A Thing"

Your High Horse

You're Uncircumcised

Your Facebook Pokes

You're "Worldly"

Your Negligent Waste Removal

Your Precious Childhood Toy

Your Bellybutton Ring

Your Knuckle Tattoos

Your Netflix Queue

Your Post Date Texting

Your Dated Impressions

Your Crocs

Your Disney Princess Fetish

Your Dreamcatcher

Your Anti-Valentine's Day Party

Your Low Tolerance

You Might Be A Murderer

Your Dumb Hat

You Bought A Zune

You're Joaquin Phoenix

You're A Flake

You're Scary

Your Cologne

You're Too Cute

Your Speakers

Your Non-Prescription Glasses

Your Delusions of Grandeur

You're SO Random

You're A Bad Drunk

Your Marilyn Monroe Piercing

Your Makeup

Your Clever Facial Hair

Your Velcro Sandals

Your Baby Talk

Your AOL Account

You Don't Like Sushi

You're Sad

Your Ed Hardy Clothes

Your Band

Following

149 notes August 25, 2009 3 40 PM

Your Backwards Sunglasses

Your Bowling Shirts

Your Fat Stupid Face

YOU ARE GUY FIERI

Somewhere, some poor girl has let this man put his pulled-pork-filled mouth on her innocent boobs.  He probably said they were “So Money” and left her with a fist full of coupons for TGIFridays.  To that girl, I’m sorry, and I hope you found a less horrible way to piss off your dad.

1. annaham liked this
2. theniwasashley reblogged this from dealbreaker
3. maketea liked this
4. tokenexplainsitall reblogged this from dealbreaker
5. callmebez liked this
6. bobsaysmeow reblogged this from dealbreaker
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9. gkojaz reblogged this from dealbreaker
10. schwartzy liked this
11. austin reblogged this from librarysciences
12. effietron reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    EVERYTHING THAT NEEDED TO BE SAID ABOUT...HAS BEEN SAID. THANKS DEALBREAKERS.

13. infot reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    watching television, I see someone...think, “How the hell does this Joey have

14. spramped reblogged this from theyounggentleman
15. tiffanyandthebee reblogged this from nedhepburn
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22. lipglossandlollipops reblogged this from dealbreaker
23. str82h8 reblogged this from nedhepburn
24. rockandrollhistory reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    Haha. This guy is such...love that commercial where he suggests that, by buying their...

25. pxlblg liked this
26. ramirukun reblogged this from theyounggentleman
27. chelseaalltogether liked this
28. thijsjacobs liked this
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30. willw reblogged this from librarysciences
31. kaitlinsimmons reblogged this from kittycate and added:

    I sort of love Guy.

32. kadehydrated liked this
33. trogdor reblogged this from rustyruins
34. kittycate reblogged this from robotindisguise and added:

    I FUCKING HATE THIS GUY. SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL HIM THAT BLEACHED AND SPIKED HAIR HAPPEND IN 2001 AND IT WAS FUCKING UGLY...

35. olympicnoodle liked this
36. heymikewaskom liked this
37. thatlalagirl liked this
38. chikchikchik reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

39. msjagger liked this
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43. n-n-nicky liked this
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45. marielos liked this
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47. xiuzhu reblogged this from dealbreaker
48. ilookatyouwithfeelings liked this
49. librarysciences reblogged this from dealbreaker
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53. callmecurtis reblogged this from brvtalbrodeo
54. gemeaux liked this
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56. jessibelboobstein reblogged this from boggle and added:

    As I like to call him: FAGetti. No offence!

57. tomlinstravels liked this
58. mutations liked this
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60. colesmcgee liked this
61. mineshaftgap liked this
62. muler reblogged this from brvtalbrodeo and added:

    he can do what he wants hes a best

63. brvtalbrodeo reblogged this from dealbreaker
64. throwing-myself-into-the-world liked this
65. syzlak liked this
66. pete3 reblogged this from nedhepburn
67. robotindisguise reblogged this from chickenramen and added:

    This guy is ridiculous but...show is awesome. dealbreaker:

68. chickenramen reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    HAHAHAHAHA I have never heard...more accurate description

69. melski liked this
70. thenermal liked this
71. hathaway liked this
72. theabstract liked this
73. ryleyh reblogged this from theyounggentleman and added:

    I agree with this… EXCEPT the sunglasses thing, haha. I know Guy Fieri makes it look bad, but I’m from Southern...

74. pejmanpejman liked this
75. ofwaterandwine liked this
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77. fraternalfilms liked this
78. dontsugarcoatit liked this
79. pegster reblogged this from mercurypdx and added:

    ah yes, guy ferry…oops, i mean fieri…and he insists people pronounce it the italian way. it reminds me of a story from...

80. janieblue84 liked this
81. drawing-cowboys reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    1. HAH! 2. he totally...like 2 or 3 kids...sweet lookin’...

82. lefan liked this
83. anythingyoulike liked this
84. mercurypdx reblogged this from theyounggentleman and added:

    Somewhere, some poor girl has let this man put his pulled-pork-filled mouth on her innocent boobs. = BEST LINE EVER

85. mistaobseen liked this
86. mutebutton liked this
87. hman liked this
88. valeriem liked this
89. theyounggentleman reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

    This is hilarious! Anything Guy Fieri does…you shouldn’t. -The Young Gentleman

90. hortenseg liked this
91. boggle reblogged this from dealbreaker
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102. wellthatwasanidea reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     ARARGHHRRAARRRGH, HE IS SO ANNOYING.

103. mandertron reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     HAHA. Guy Fieri really is gross.

104. foxbat liked this
105. donchiefnerd liked this
106. kidskiddingkittens reblogged this from nedhepburn and added:

     His is a fate not meant to be shared by many. He will OD on highlights.

107. tiow liked this
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109. circasurvivor reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     i am laughing so hard right now!

110. kelsieeatsfetus liked this
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121. rand0mflora reblogged this from nedhepburn and added:

     This is so good, it hurts.

122. earthtoerma liked this
123. nedhepburn reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

124. missrose liked this
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128. takeasail reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     THIS MADE MY DAY. i still love guy fieri, though.

129. bonos liked this
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134. daleena reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     Robert…Im looking at you.

135. nathanieljames reblogged this from dealbreaker and added:

     Guy Fieri, 1996 called, it wants all

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