You Convey Your Feelings Through Lengthy Poetic Emails
So these five months we’ve been best friends have been pretty awesome, am I right? Your taste in music is off the chains, you laugh at all of my jokes, and smoking and discussing whether or not Star Wars is art was pretty funny. Wait, what’s that? I should check my email? I mean, we’re standing right next to each other… Okay, okay… I’ll look… but what is it? And, more importantly, why is there a Word document attached to it? Wait, seriously? You wrote me a love letter. On the computer. And now you’re going to leave the room while I read it. I mean… I’ll open it, but — oh god. Bro… this Word document is 12 pages long. Is that a glitch? Did your letter get copied and pasted 36 times by accident? I get the inclination to ‘put everything out on the table’, but…oh god. Oh god. You’ve used the word ‘lute’ twice in the first two sentences. I can’t do this. Keep the computer. See you in 12 months when you have an existential crisis and call me crying to tell me I’m the only one who ever ‘really understood you’.
A Guest Dealbreaker written by Christine Friar.
