January 2010
43 posts
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“The prospect of meeting someone you want to get in bed with at night is what...”
– Dave and Marisa. Feel free to embroider on pillows or frost on a sheet cake.
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The Dave And Marisa Show: Coming Soon?
DAVE: Marisa, It’s time we had our own reality show. Right?
MARISA: No way! Nobody wants to see me force a cat to cuddle with me or watch you choose which hoodie to wear.
DAVE: Think about it! You and me, writing at coffee shops, calling each other names, drama ensues when we don't have enough cash to tip the pizza man…
MARISA: there is no drama, its dramaless. There is no drama in our banana nut muffins.
DAVE: It’d be like, How many times do I have to tell you, I don’t want marshmallows in my hot chocolate! HOW MANY TIMES!!!
MARISA: Shh, go to sleep.
DAVE: (Dave's talking head, to camera): I was so mad at Marisa. She closed the tabs on all my puppy videos when she was checking her email on my laptop, and she got cupcake frosting on my messenger bag. I was at my breaking point.
MARISA: (to camera) I'm worried about Dave. He is losing it. He sleeps all day and only wakes up to watch that video of those four identical newborns laughing in unison.
DAVE: Those babies are the only ones who understand me!! ...see? It'd be amazing. A regular ratings bonanza! Move over, The Superbowl!
MARISA: you mean CEREAL bowl.
DAVE: With quick wordplay and dynamic arguments like THAT, how could we not be a hit? We'll do for hooded sweatshirts and self-indulgent blog posts what Jersey Shore is doing for hair gel and missing chromosomes!
MARISA: Keep dreaming, kitten brain.
Email all (enormous) monetary offers and TV contracts to Dealbreakerblog@Gmail.com.
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Dealbreaker: You listen to "everything".
bostonmassacre:
Really. Everything. You don’t have any, you know, favorites…. no? You just listen to “whatever’s on the radio”? Oh my God. How about Owl City? You like that one song by them, huh? How about Ke$ha? You think she’s catchy? How about the yowls of a domestic tabby being raped by a Scottish wildcat? Get the hell out of here. I bet you have 300 bands on your iPod and only one song from...
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It's Complicated (The Facebook Status, Not The...
theidiotking:
Some people are in relationships that contain a fair amount of gray area. They fight, they break up, they make up, they get back together, only to repeat the exact sequence a week later. They’re confused, they’re clouded by hormones and emotions, and of course, hormotions, which are hormonal emotions.
These couples argue loudly at gatherings, speak in muted, hushed tones to each...
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WatchDEALBREAKER turns 1!
Dave and Marisa wish each, and you, a Happy Anniversary!
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Sense & Sensitivity
DAVE: Ugh, I am so sensitive. My heart's like Jello.
MARISA: Yes, and not even regular Jello. Jello Jigglers. In the shapes of baby animals.
DAVE: Way to heighten my pain!
MARISA: Dave "Heart as Sensitive as Jello Jigglers in the Shapes of Baby Animals" Horwitz
DAVE: Marisa "Made of 75% Water, 25% Ice Cream" Pinson
MARISA: Fair enough.
Dealbreaker: You Made Me the Wingwoman
theoreticalgirl:
We had this totally awesome conversation for hours. I thought we clicked. So when I discovered the next day that you began following me on Twitter, I was psyched. Imagine that. Flirting! Who knew it could be so easy?
…and then I found out you hooked up with my friend that night. So here’s what I’m thinking really happened: you sat through hours of me yammering about some stupid...
This Is Not For Me →
thisisnotforme:
Formerly, Twilight: New Moonshine. Based on the success of that dare, I’ve decided to turn this into an ongoing experiment. Going forward, I’ll use this to occasionally liveblog all kinds of events/movies/happenings/etc. that are expressly not aimed at me (or you either, likely.) Consider it a sociological Jackass, where you can vicariously experience things that you’d never...
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Dealmaker: You are Doctor Who
amblog:
Ok, you’re a 700 year old alien from Gallifrey in your tenth body. But you have two hearts and enough mileage behind you to make this last for hours. And that thing you are holding? If it fixes the space-time continum and unlocks doors, i’m pretty sure it has a ‘vibrate’ switch.
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